Footrace Against the Police Yields Losing Results

University police responded to a call about a suspicious looking individual near the Ethnic Studies and Psychology Building just before 8:30 a.m. April 27. Not one to be caught, the subject decided to put his P90X skills to the test by running away. Unfortunately, one of the officers was a few DVDs ahead of him in the program. The panting perpetrator was taken into custody for resisting arrest and petty theft, and transported to the county jail.

Two Abandoned Wallets Still Seeking a Loving Home

Two lost wallets were miraculously found less than three hours apart from each other in the J. Paul Leonard Library the afternoon of April 26. Even more surprisingly, attempts to return the items to their rightful owners were unsuccessful. One can only presume at this point that the owners of the pocketbooks are not absentminded students, but participants on the ABC show “What Would You Do?” We’re still waiting for Don Quinones to pop out from behind a bookshelf at any moment to confirm.

Down and Out at the Annex Concert

One student received more than doses of dubstep and indie beats when they attended the long-anticipated Rhythms Music Festival in the Annex April 26. Apparently, the attendee had been playing a drinking game in which a shot was taken every time a partier shouted “YOLO,” which resulted in such intoxication that they had to be transported by the San Francisco Fire Department to the UCSF Medical Center.